War, said Clausewitz, is politics by other means.
Sex is communication by other means.
What does this have to do with my , bleeding, gouged forearms? Read on….
With sex, you can deepen communication, interplay, mutual understanding, exploration of daring edges and borders and hidden shadows.
Or, by contrast, you can “replace” communication by just banging away – never making contact, not talking, and it might as well be a blow up doll.
In our program, Erotic Mastery, we approach sexuality as a fantastic, wild, unpredictable opportunity for self-discovery and for discovery of your partner (s).
Because sex, offering perhaps the best, most vulnerable, most honest form of communication is like a landscape, a skinscape, a breathscape you create as you go. Like Harold with his Purple Crayon (and no, I’m not going to make the obvious joke and blaspheme that perfect book!)
If you want to be an artist of the erotic, rather than a plodding workman, then you develop your touch and talk skills, you learn how to lead a woman deeper into her surrender, into her orgasms. You take erotic mastery skills seriously and have utter control over your orgasm, (utter presence when you remember!) and the ability to meet her no matter WHERE she goes.
She can go wild mustang or she can burst into tears, tsunami’d by old memories or nascent fears.
Which brings us to my bleeding forearms.
So I was on a first date with a woman I met online. A delicate, cute little giggly, sensual thing – no more than 98 pounds. And we’re sitting at the Palomino, one of my favorite first date hotspots – because of the sensuous curves of the bar and the woodwork, as well as the deep, cushy seating.
And things are going well…
She’s laughing. I’m laughing. I touch her hands. She brushes mine. Then, about 10 minutes into touching, she slides her hands up my sleeves to the inside of my elbows and then RAKES HER NAILS DOWN THE INSIDE OF MY FOREARMS, while locking eyes with me.
My eyes flare, but I don’t move.
“So, Adam, how do you feel about… pain?” she asks.
“How about,” I answer quickly, “we start with pleasure tonight and then maybe work our way into pain.”
Sex as the unexpected. Where our daily social selves drop off like silk robes, exposing our secret selves. Our secret desires.
And… our secret strengths.
The point: be ready for ANYTHING. For her pain or yours. For her deep emotion or yours. For her sudden closure or yours.
Ride it like a light boat on the ocean – responsive to whatever arises. Unattached to anything that arises. Opening INTO the moment rather than fleeing, no matter how much surprise, or, in my case, how much blood.
My question to you today: what is the MOST UNEXPECTED thing that has arisen during sex for you? From you or from your partner? What did it bring up for you? How did you respond?
And what do you have to teach this community of men, so that we may continue our own growth and our ability to serve and open and be “a real man” for the women in our lives?
Leave your comment below: what is the MOST UNEXPECTED thing that has arisen during sex for you?