Women are hard-wired to be attracted to – and to follow – the lead of a bold man.
The mistake so many of you make is thinking that this means you need to act a like an a-hole. There is a myth that women want a “bad-boy” if “bad” means criminal, cruel, disrespectful, petulant and, well, basically – annoying.
Lots of men have tried David D’s “cocky and funny” only discover that they were coming off as cocky and ludicrous. And enough of you have told me how, after spending a life of crafting a life and a character that you are proud of, that you felt like an idiot. And ashamed.
There is a solution here.
You know that confidence is sexy. In fact, I created a whole program to help you embody and enact confidence called Instant Confidence With Women. It’s sort of a “fake it till you make it” cheat sheet. And it works.
And recently, I’ve been thinking about another quality – that lifts you even further into the magic of attraction with women.
Confidence attracts women.
Boldness ignites passion and desire and lust.
So if you like those things, read on…
Ever since I was a small kid, I didn’t want to live an “office” life. I watched my dad, whom I always loved, drive into NYC every day and spend his days, like all the other dads, in glass towers. Then come home tired, have a martini with my mom, and basically fall asleep reading the paper.
From the start, I wanted a different life. A bold life. A life of adventure. I wanted to tag wild cheetahs on the Serengeti. I wanted to climb Everest (I made it up to 17 thousand feet). I wanted to kick ass like Carradine’s Kung Fu and drive race cars like Speed Racer (I got up to 180mph on the Autobahn in my BMW sportster).
And like Speed Racer, I wanted my own Trixie. I also wanted my own Barbara Eden from “I Dream of Jeanie” and, what can I tell ya, I like funny women, so I had a thing for Lucy and Carol Burnett, too.
All in all, I wanted to live BOLD. I wanted to TEST myself. I wanted to EXPLORE the world. I wanted to not spend my life falling asleep in front of a TV and just living out whatever suburban programming I inherited.
A BOLD START…
And I did it. I set off early. My family had no money, so I worked three summer jobs and sent myself to Europe. I headed off to India with a backpack and a blonde. I took jobs I was wholly untrained for on Wall Street and in international music management. I took on Hollywood and ended up being nominated for an Emmy. I pushed myself. I fell hard and bolted forward again.
I didn’t, as the poet Mary Oliver has put it so well, “don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
You are reading here, now, this because you want to enthrall and excite women. Which is great! Because they WANT to be enthralled and excited by you!
So it all works out.
And nothing accomplishes this as much as being a BOLD MAN.
I have compiled 15 Dynamics of living BOLD that you can put into action right away. To push your limits. To bristle with courage, vitality and masculine allure. It not only makes life fun – it makes women fascinated and deeply attracted to your lead.
Here are the first 4…
BOLD QUALITIES THAT EXCITE WOMEN ABOUT YOU
1: Claim What You Want
Timid men wait for permission. Bold men claim what they want. They don’t steal it or force it or wheedle their way in. They are direct and they “stake a claim” just like the old prospectors: you plant your flag in the ground.
Sometimes, you don’t get what you want. That’s okay. People say “no.” It happens. You’ll live. The point is to assure that the force of your commitment to a goal and the unshakability of your will is felt – unapologetic and ringingly clear.
And of course, the more admirable your claim, the sexier you are. The more paltry or reactive or egoic your claim, the more “meh” you will seem to women.
How to apply this to dating and attraction?
You know my rule: you never “ask” for a date. You “state the date.” Not “hey would you like to go out sometime?” ( I can hear women reading this squirming with distaste). Instead, it’s “you’re coming out with me. There’s a great Italian place on 10th St. I want to see the pleasure on your face when you taste the cannoli.”
(Is there sexual suggestion there? Duh. Remember, there is no friend zone unless you create it)
2: “Screw it Just Do it”
I don’t have a lot of “heroes” but Richard Branson is my #1.
Not only because of his awesome hair. Nor his over 300 “Virgin” companies. Nor for the fact that he can kiteboard with naked models on his back while maintaining a long, loving marriage. Nor for his insane cross-oceanic ballooning adventures. Nor his Virgin Unite philanthropic arm which is doing amazing things creating peace, prosperity and hope around the world.
But for how he lives his life every single day. How he makes choices. It is encapsulated by the title of his book, “Screw it. Just Do it”
Bold men make the first move. They initiate.
They ride into the dark forest without knowing exactly what’s in there. They know their fear, they make adjustments to mitigate danger and take calculated risks. They do what they want to do in this life (while, yes, respecting the dignity of others) and do it full-on.
Bold men know that they will fail. But we also know that we will always learn something and therefore, that we will fail UP. We will fail FORWARD. We don’t care if we look stupid for the moment. Because we know we are getting smarter. And better. And stronger.
Bold men also take the initiative when it comes to admitting you’ve been a jerk. Or cruel. Or thoughtless. We all screw up. Being bold is not all about cresting the Himalaya. Bold means, yes, manning up and saying you’re sorry when you’ve done damage.
Every brass-balls entrepreneur knows that its easier (and more effective and profitable) to apologize after taking action than asking for permission before taking action.
Intiate. Act. Do.
As another hero of mine, Mark Twain said, “the secret of getting ahead is getting started.”
And when it comes to attraction?
Bold initiative means you walk across the room, eyes steady and introduce yourself to that girl. It means you take the lead. It means, if you feel the vibe, you push her hair behind her ear as if you’ve been a couple for years – even if you’ve only been talking for 4 minutes. It means you write 20 women a night online, experimenting with your introductory letters.
It means you know what you want – and you take ACTION toward achieving it. Over and over and over again.
This is how bold men achieve mastery.
And non-bold men remain mired and blurry and distinctly un-sexy — in mediocrity.
3: Boldly Self-Challenge
Few things are more of a turn-off than a lazy man. Or, at the other end, a complacent man.
Few things are more of a TURN-ON that a man who challenges himself.
You know how I talk about the 7 Pillars of Masculine Attraction – and how you should consistently and BOLDLY push your edges into new growth in these areas:
(1) fitness, strength and vitality
(2) emotional depth and equanimity
(3) intellectual complexity and clarity
(4) social leadership
(5) sexual mastery and subtlety
(6) financial sovereignty and
(7) spiritual expansiveness of vision.
The more of these 7 self-challenges you ACTIVELY pursue – the sexier you will be to women, end stop.
Challenging yourself as a mindset, as a practice in EVERY area of your life makes you volcanically attractive to women. They begin to see you as a force of nature. As a dynamic vehicle in motion – rather than a couch-slug who is a mere spectator in life.
Peter Diamandis, founder of the X-Prize, entrepreneur extraordinaire and visionary of an abundant future offers this absolute law of living a fantastic life:
“When faced without a Challenge – Make One!”
Personally challenge every belief and value you inherited from you childhood and early life. Do you carry ideas about girls from being humiliated in Jr. High? Or being a sex-crazed hormone-machine in high school? Are you treating women in their thirties the same way you treated women in their 20’s not taking into account how they have grown more reflective, cautious, insightful, confident?
More generally – challenge yourself daily: are you living the life you REALLY want to live?
Challenge yourself to, as Walt Whitman said, “suck the marrow out of life.”
You do know you don’t get a second chance, right?
This is it. Here. Now.
Why would a woman “follow your lead” in life if you don’t take the lead and consistently challenge yourself to be better, stronger, wealthier, deeper, kinder, more erotically daring and caring?
Bold men strive, self-challenge and lead.
And even if they look like Sean Penn, they get the Scarlett Johanssens of the world.
That’s a start for you today. You’ll be hearing more from me about how to live BOLD, how to live, what I’ve come to call “The Boldness Code.” Stay tuned for more this week.
Today — take at least one bold action.
Not only will women like you better.
Touching your primal root as a man, you will too.