Steve was fat.
Steve was slovenly.
Steve’s tee shirt was stained and hung out, higgledy-piggledy, over his belt.
Yet he was irresistible to women.
Steve, star of the movie, “The Tao of Steve” gives this advice: “Be excellent in front of women.”
But lets take that idea one step deeper…
It doesn’t mean you can be excellent as just anything. To quote Dave Attell, one of my favorite comedians,
“Here’s something you’ll never hear: ‘as soon as I saw him ride up on that unicycle, I knew I had to have his c**k in my mouth.’”
Yes, it’s better to be excellent as a singer-songwriter or a fire station captain that riding a unicycle to attract women.
In fact there are 7 AREAS OF EXCELLENCE which you can hone to increase you MASCULINE APPEAL to women.
I say “masculine appeal” because these 7 categories will make you, in her eyes, more trustable, more leaderly, more exciting, more sexually confident and more powerful.
I often talk about “pushing your edges” in each of these categories, but today – Super Bowl Sunday – I want you to think them as areas of your potential EXCELLENCE.
Because the excellence of a Brady or Manning is a BEAUTIFUL and COMPELLING thing to behold.
I want women to experience you as beautiful and compelling. Maybe not with 22 sweating behemoths grabbing at you and rolling with you in the grass for a Sunday afternoon – as appealing as that sounds – but in 7 Key Areas of your life…
I want them to feel you as steering your ship through the world as your own man, and nobody’s bitch!
I want them to feel your drive to excellence in these 7 key categories, because it will MONSTROUSLY improve your success with women…
In short, I want to see you…
1: Emotionally flowing outwardly rather than sucking up energy like a black hole.
2: Physically energized, fit, informed and vital
3: Socially networked and curious
4: Sexually skilled, confident, attentive and creative.
5: Financially on the move
6: Intellectually judicious and thoughtful
7. Spiritually connected
Now, take a breath. Get some water. Here’s a deeper breakdown…
1: Direct Your Emotional Flow Outward
To what extent are you a walking “wound” or a walking “gift”?
How much are you a victim – angry, sulking, complaining, reactive – or how much are you the king of your realm – wise, measured, curious, responsive, light of spirit, worry-free?
So many men (and women) drag the twenty ton weight of their past like vast concrete humps. Angry about being betrayed or unfulfilled, they are ever-self-birthing Quasimotos, gasping for the oxygen of outward approval. They greet each day with resentment, bitterness, negativity – and, sadly, wastefully, are unable to allow the tenderness of love the chance to wander in through the front door, pull up a chair and stay awhile.
By contrast, a man with emotional discipline – who doesn’t suck attention to his damaged ego like a black hole that can never be filled, who collapses when challenged, who furiously stirs his victimization like a beloved, though bitter, stew – a man who grows his emotional life with discipline will be a magnet for love.
How much are you that man – free of the past, optimistic about the future, GRATEFUL for being alive in the present – so that you actually allow women to feel safe, sexy and special in your relaxed and attentive presence? That allows women to feel, if even for the first time in their lives, the (equally flawed) wonders they are?
2: Increase Your “Social Sexy”
Your social world is an indication to women of your “resources” as much as is your money or your job or your bodily strength. A man who has a reliable social network has back-up, has friends – and this demonstrates – on a primal level – to women that you are a good bet. That you’re not alone in the world. That peeps got your back.
How do you increase your Social Sexy? Two ways…
First, be interested and you’ll be interesting, and people will draw to you. Be genuinely curious. Be generous with your time, your praise, linking people to each other and to resources they might value. Connect with people. The most complete guideline to how to do this is found in Week 9 of our Guaranteed Girlfriend Program, which is a detailed training on how to overhaul your life to attract the highest quality women into it.
Second, take action – be the hub of a social circle rather than just a hub on someone else’s wheel. That
3: Get Physically Vital
Women obviously find guys sexy who are lean and fit. They also admire men who are vital and full of energy.
The two key things you need to do are
(1) shed unwanted weight – and again – this is my favorite method – by Mike Geary – and the other thing to do is to
(2) build muscle. And there are many great ways do to this, but check this one out… by Jason Ferruggia
But the third element is truly LOVING YOUR SELF AND YOUR LIFE enough to commit to eat better, to work out, and to craft a body to match your highest self- image. If you are carrying shame or fear or low self-regard, you probably won’t be able to keep to a regimen, because you won’t think you’re worth it.
After these past couple of weeks working with men during my coaching sessions, I can see that “self-love,” which is something most women’s dating and relationship coaches focus on, is something that we men need to cultivate more of.
To rest in the knowledge that you are good enough. That you don’ have to prove anything to your parents or those assholes in Jr. high who gave you a hard time.
I’ll be writing on this and bringing you more resources, but, in order to connect to your inner confidence, your best “short-cut resource is Instant Confidence With Women.
4: Be Financially Dynamic
Women do want you to be financially stable. But they also are TURNED ON by men who are building something in the world. Are you training yourself to be a greater leader in your field? Are you growing your skillsets, increasing your worth, augmenting the value you provide through your work?
In other words – are you a man with a plan? A man on the move?
You may not know this, but I started my career on Wall St, and I’m a continuing student of wealth creation and preservation, as well as entrepreneurship. I’ll let you know when I find programs that can make you richer. I look at everything, and I’m a big fan – a BIG fan – of using this new globally networked economy to build your own business, if even on the side – to increase your wealth and autonomy.
5: Be Intellectually Admirable
This one is simple. Women look up to men who know shit.
Again – unicycle mechanics – maybe not so much.
But your wisdom about how men and women relate, on how people think, how they sabotage their lives, how they grow spiritually –- all good. Your knowledge about the body, about food, about cooking, about how things work around the house and how to fix them – all good. And of course, if you can pontificate about higher level things like global economics or neurotransmitters – that’s often cool to your women in company, although not if you cant CONNECT with her emotionally around the issues that truly matter between the two of you.
Cultivate your knowledge, your capabilities, your judgment, your worthy leadership.
6: Sexual – Are you Skilled and Present or Fumbling?
Can you confidently lead your woman through the rise and release of sexual bliss?
Can you tenderly penetrate her heart and her soul as deeply as you penetrate her body?
Can you beat the national average of 7 minutes between penetration and ejaculation?
When you KNOW you have sexual skills, you carry yourself with a new level of confidence.
Get the skills.
If you consider yourself in the 1-60% of sexual experience and confidence, I think one of the best (and most entertaining) ways to learn how to be a skilled lover is 2 Girls Teach Sex. It’ll keep your attention, that’s for damned sure.
If you have more sexual confidence and experience, my program, Erotic Mastery is packed with advanced teachings, but I’m rebuilding the site right now. There is another program which I think is absolutely amazing too – deep and powerful and spiritually sophisticated – and that’s Alex Allman’s Revolutionary Sex.
I consider Revolutionary Sex essential reading for the advanced sexual man. Check it out.
7: Be Spiritually Inspiring
What does that mean? It doesn’t mean you wear beads, stand on your head or say the word “Jesus” in every other sentence. Although you’re welcome to.
Whatever your tradition – and we have tens of thousands of men in this community – Moslem, Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Neo-Pagan, Shamanistic, Atheistic, Hedonist, Yogic, Epicurian, hell, I’ll be there’s a Zoroastrian or two out there – and frankly I don’t care what you BELIEVE…
I care about one thing – because whatever your traditions, these, to me, are the core of a spiritual life, and are electrifying to the highest quality of evolved women…
First, do you cultivate your connection, your non-dual identification with others? With other people? With living creatures, with life itself. Do you cultivate kinship or do you cultivate separation?
Do you cultivate nurturance or do you cultivate abuse? To put it in universal terms, do you cultivate love or do you cultivate fear. Those are your moment-to-moment choices, no matter which random tradition you happened to be born into.
Do you labor under the small illusion that you are a body apart? Or can get past the surface dance of a consumerist culture and access the boundless wealth of your inheritance? The love you received as a child, the air you breathe, the beauty around you, all this f*cking amazing technology (!), the unbidden kindness of strangers, the scent of a woman.
Is your mouth something primarily to devour, chew and produce shit to shit out the other end?
Or is it equally a source of wisdom, of guidance, of wit and joy, of tenderness, of creativity, of infinite licks and kisses, of the gifts of your knowledge, your care, your ability to give love?
Are you a black hole sucking up and crushing the energy of the world around you, sucking up and crushing the delicious sweet and savage love that women bring you?
Or are you the sun that shines energy into the world, the blazing heat of truth when needed, the warmth of nurturance when called for, the steady light of your purpose, no matter what petty distractions or illusions arise in the moment?
… are you that masculine presence who can bathe your woman in wisdom, strength, and direction?
Ask yourself – which do women want from you? Which type of man do women CRAVE?
Which are they tired of?
Today, Superbowl Sunday, brings us a type of excellence.
And it gives you a chance to reflect on YOUR excellence.
Being the kind of man I want you to be means you are committed to excellence in some area – or even all 7 of these areas – of your life.
You know where my vote is.