Last night, waiting for our cars at the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills, I ran into Daymond John, billionaire founder of FUBU – and star of the ABC show Shark Tank.
I was thrilled. I love this guy and I love this show. In fact, just 3 days before, I had posted on FB that I felt Shark Tank should be REQUIRED VIEWING for every teenager in America.
Because on that show, budding entrepreneurs come before John and 3 or 4 other hugely successful business titans – each of whom crafted and steered their own success from the bottom up – describe their small business ideas, what they’ve accomplished, what they hope to do – and ask for investment money.
What happens next is a beautiful thing…
… and I am going to show you in a minute how it applies to your dating life and to your pursuit of love and intimacy.
What happens is that these veterans of the entrepreneurial battlefield start asking GREAT questions: Yeah, yeah I get your vision but… what is your current revenue? How have you marketed? How did you source your materials? How did you set your wholesale prices? Tell me about the competition in detail? What have to you done to guard your rear end so someone else can’t walk away with your idea?
Bam! Bam! Bam!
They ask the kinds of questions that reduce the smiling, often over-confident idea-slingers to bumbling for words, scrambling for excuses – and sometimes, into tears.
And yet, and yet…
Those aspirants who are READY… those who have done their HOMEWORK…
Those who have trained their minds and have educated themselves and who have shown that they have a detailed, clear-eyed and not a “moony” grasp on the REALITY of their product, their market, their customer – and most important – on themselves – [their strengths and the areas where they need to grow or get help] – THOSE people get tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars of investment dollars from the sharks.
Because they actually deserve it.
They are prepared and realistic.
Heed this lesson well…
So many people – men and women both – stride onto the playing field of love with unrealistic expectations of others – and unrealistic expectations of themselves. And yet they want the goodies thrown at them, like roses and tributes from the grandstands.
Men come to the field without putting real time into understanding the feminine need to trust before surrender. They have never made the effort to “feel” what it is like to be a woman – drilled by thousands of male eyes all day, sometimes flattered but often feeling like prey darting along a grid of predators.
Men, who spend so much time calculating wins and losses in their minds, hope to “win” a woman with confident words, when his body may be conveying shame, unwarranted bravado, self-hatred, closure.
Women come to the field, knowing that they are secret gardens of earthly delight. That they possess hearts that can pour out love like a mountain spring and never be diminished!
But they expect men to “know” that and all-too-often “demand” that men recognize that, without communicating their true heart-treasures in a language that men hear and feel and see. And so women get angry at men for not valuing their greatest gifts.
Just like the starry-eyed entrepreneurs on Shark Tank, we bound onto the stage full of self-delusion.
We don’t take enough time to get into the minds of the “investors” (because, really, you are asking another person to make an investment of very valuable things like time, heart, body and money into you).
Nor are we as rigorous as we can be to make ourselves a great “investment” – by getting as fit and healthy as we can, by clearing out the negative mind-habits that drag us down, by challenging ourselves to be as creative and truthful and accomplished as we can be, by educating ourselves on gender communication, sensual skills and what used to be called just good old human wisdom.
So that we may be more kind, more compassionate, more trustworthy, more light and fun and bold… and lovable.
Triggering attraction, creating rapport, learning how to inspire both yourself and those with whom you wish to get intimate with – these are skills which we can choose to learn day after day – literally for the rest of our lives.
Love is an “infinite game.”
You win when you play the game full-out, learning the rules as they become apparent to you, pivoting your strategies like a good business leader when the board changes.
You hire and fire those who support your journey deeper into love.
You focus your energies and your resources like a good business leader where there is most “return on investment” (and release those who don’t return your love back into the market). Cut and release is as valuable a skill for entrepreneurs and fishermen as it is for lovers.
And most of all, you get rigorous about yourself so that you are best possible leader of your “love enterprise.” You hone yourself daily – mind, body and spirit – as a good “investment” worthy of the best possible “investor.”
I know you want to be loved. I know you want to be ravished. I know you want your clock cleaned and your head to spin in bedroom bliss. I know.
I’m with you. I want that for you.
So therefore, ask yourself now and daily…
Why should someone desire or love me?
How can I hone my inner world so that I am more peaceful, fearless, authentic, inspiring, light, open, warm and lovable?
How can I hone my communications so that I can connect in ways that open the hearts and lives of those I desire?
Married, or single or in a relationship, you are on the playing field.
And just as in business, there is competition.
Competition that should be ever-driving you to ever-improve your “product.”
There is no room here for self-delusion, comforting as that may be for a spell.
A good enterprise, a Daymond James knows, is something that always grows, or it calcifies, sputters and dies. A good enterprise must be led by someone who is always learning and ready to adapt and step into unknown territory.
It is a game of calculated risks, wisely taken.
So it is with love, although the prize here is worth so much more than money.
This is a game that has no final “payout.” No buyout. No liquidity event.
This game simply pays as it goes.
It is a game to be played fearlessly and robustly and tirelessly, until finally the pieces turn to dust, and the board folds and is placed back into the box.