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Weekend Wisdom #7: Your Core And Her Juicy Center

You get to choose your core identity.

When you allow others to impose their boundaries of identity on you, it diminishes you as a man. Actually, it diminishes you as an evolving human being.

So what are you? What are “we”? The frame you carry around in your head will determine how you act in your life – and what and who you attract.

And repel.

Most people have been brought up with this idea that we are “Homo sapien sapiens.” That roughly means “knowing man.” But who do you think came up with the idea that thinking is the CORE of what defines us?

That would be – big surprise here – thinkers. Scientists. Guys who value knowledge above all. It makes sense they’d prioritize our ability to know.

But is “knowing” truly our core?

Socrates made a great living showing how little we actually know — until they killed him for it. He was like a Greek form of LSD – exposing the narrow confines of our normal mind and all the constrictions that fuzzy thinking, civil society and social life have clapped over our skulls.

But there are other suggestions of what our “core” might be.

Religious traditions like to think we have a “soul” that is inside, independent from and separate from our bodies. Which is a great way to demean the body, by the way – and eventually demonize it.

When you separate the soul from the body, the body becomes secondary, then an obstacle, then an “evil” antagonist. And suddenly you have a culture that makes sex something bad and shameful.

That never made sense to me, even as a child, and I think modern neuroscience would have a hard time separating out the “soul” from the synapses in which it supposedly dwells. The body and mind are the same stuff, and this is coming more and more clear as we understand the chemistry of thought and emotion.

What else?

Some people have gotten all excited that we are tool-making creatures and behold – THAT’S what separates us from the rest of the lowly creatures around us. They define us as “Homo Faber” – man who “makes” stuff. Sorry. Ants, chimps, and all sorts of birds use tools all the time. Termites make really intricate underground cities.

Yes, we humans are wonders of fabrication, of making “stuff” – but is that your CORE? Is that how you want to identify yourself – as a glorified termite? Or merely a breathing assembly line?

Not me.

Nor do I identify myself primarily as a “consumer” – which, if you absorb corporate media daily, you might start believing.

I want to suggest to you that we are something else at your core – and I want to hear your opinion on this.

There was a book written in the early 20th Century called “Homo Ludens” – man who plays, or “playful man”.

Huizinga, who wrote the book, says that play is core not only to who we are, but also that our entire culture is actually play – it’s just that we don’t see it that way. We layer all kinds of egoic needs over that play.

Consider this…

If you have spent time with a little child – or have actually been a little child – then you know that play is core to our their being. They are curious. They want to see what stuff DOES. What it IS. Small children look for DELIGHT and for ways to turn what is in front of them into delight.

Give them crayons or paint or blocks – or in the case of my 11 month old – other children. I once came into his daycare group to see him separated from all other kids – all little girls in dresses – by a dog gate in the day-care lady’s kitchen. She explained that during circle time, he had crawled around the circle and pushed each little girl over like bowling pins.

“Is he evil?” I asked,

“No – he just wanted them to DO something.”

We all just want to make the world and all its astonishing raw material do something.

We want to set it spinning. We want to blow dandelion seeds into the air and watch them float.

And, as men…

We want to get women laughing. Give them pleasure. Bring them to orgasm.

But how we go about this makes all the difference in the world.

This is why I caution against the constricted arena of “The Game” and of “gaming” women. Gaming women is play as battle, with the end of the game being the whole point. The destination being the focus rather than the journey.

Which of course makes the woman a mere chesspiece in your egoic forward charge.

Not nice for her. Self-constricting for you.

Instead, substitute pure play as the game you are playing with women.

The beauty of play is that you go forth into the world primarily to have a good time and discover what happens! You explore, you provoke, you create laughter, delight, pleasure, insight – all in the child-like frame of exploration.

Which you think is more appealing to women? That you’re gaming them? Or that you are a man awake to the wonder of the moment? To seeing what colors you can blend in the moment, what music you can create of the moment, what joy you can create in the moment?

So many men have been reduced into Gamebots by the PUA mindset of “must close a woman.” Yeah, it’ll get you laid from time to time. But you’ll miss out on life as it arises around you in all its joy and fascination.

Open yourself, rather, by going out with no goal but to give joy, insight and delight to the women you meet. The boy scout rule of “leave them better than when you found them” – rather than “negged” and manipulated.

Rather than “close” a woman like a used-car deal, open her up.

There is, I guarantee you, a juicy center, waiting for you, when you do.

What do you think? Leave a comment below.

6 Comments

  1. Benjamin Brown says:

    I agree Adam, play is what it is all about and thanks to wisdom and your help, I have been doing this and allowed my gamer side, to completely fade to black, it is amazing what you get when a woman opens up and you play with her an for her, and along the way the things they do and share are fantastic. We do things in a childlike amazement and discover so much more of each other and the world around us, I am dating a super hot and sexy woman who has opened up to me and shared so much more than any woman I’ve ever been with. The sexual side is out of this world and the play in the bedroom, well it’s right where it should be, oh and outside too, the great outdoors is, well I don’t have the words to describe it.

  2. Doug says:

    Brilliantly written. I am curious as to a woman’s perspective on the idea of play and how it interlaces with the nuances of courtship. Does a woman’s perspective of a man change if he is overly curious? Does that reflect a lack of confidence or machismo?

  3. Greg says:

    I learned a long time ago that the aspects of ‘playing’ were important
    to any relationship. Women respond to a man with a sense of humor
    and an openness to living in the moment and enjoying that moment
    to it’s fullest.
    Spontaneity, charm and a willingness to say ‘I don’t know’ when the
    situation applies, are never seen as weakness or less masculine.
    (At least in my experience..)
    As men we can tend to be ‘thinkers’ a bit too often. We can overanalyze
    and think logically about things we should just relax and enjoy. If we’d
    just stop worrying about the process, (and how to control it), things
    would move along so much easier for everyone concerned.
    The PUA mindset is flawed in this way.
    Although the some of the tools and/or strategies taught are effective
    and scientifically based the overall mindset is fundamentally wrong.
    Adam, your organic and honest approach about how to open not
    only the women you’d like to meet, but your own mind from the many
    pre-concieved notions and incorrect social programming, is to be
    applauded.
    Thanks for your wisdom and willingness to share this valuable
    information to make the world a better place and the women in it
    happier, fulfilled, respected and sexually satisfied.

  4. Bon Voyage, Ma Touché Douce

    When two hearts bound in love’s embrace
    Sail out on unknown seas,
    They aim to share, if choice there is,
    The ship of one and breeze.

    Yet comes a time when touch is lost
    And ships, by two, set sail.
    Yes, then it is when hearts cry out
    With bitter tear and wail.

    So set your sail well in the wind
    And taut the tiller stay.
    Wend your course by angel dreams.
    God’s visions light your way.

    When time and circumnavigation
    Have brought you home to me,
    I’ll caress you with my deepest love
    And kiss you tenderly.
    Copyright John M. Kirkwood 2006

    • ross kersey sacramento ca says:

      Thanks, Adam. The sanskrit word “leila” is defined as cosmic play, the divine unfolding
      as divine amusement, the ever kaleidoscopic changing world as Self pleasuring.
      “Fun is the goal. Love is the way.” (Vic Barranco, founder of the Morehouse communities.)
      And there is nothing more fun than putting undivided attention on expanding a woman’s sexual delight .

  5. Adam, thank you for such a wonderful and thought provoking article.

    It is my opinion, that for many of us, the very core of our being has been changed and manipulated by society. As we grow from child to adult our need for attention gets stronger. We become competitive in our search for the approval of others. We see ourselves through the eyes of our friends, parents, teachers and later our employers. We become what they believe.

    Our life’s journey may become distorted in our need for the prize.

    What is the prize? Will we be happy when we get it?

    When you live in the moment you achieve an anchoring of awareness. You are naturally happier, more playful, with a curiosity for life. Playfulness becomes a part of your existence.

    If you are man with a PUA mindset, you are not enjoying the journey. Without the journey you are just getting laid. It is not as intense and passionate.

    You are missing a mind blowing experience.

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